I was wandering around the living room this morning — not long out of bed — probably looking a bit lost — when JoAnn sang out, “You look like a man looking for a hug.”

What a brilliant lady she is. Of course. That was exactly what I was looking for — I just hadn’t realized it yet.

We have a ritual in this matter. I stand at the bottom of the stairs and JoAnn stands one step up so as to compensate for our difference in height.

It was a good hug. We took a little time with it. It not only got me in the flow of life’s goodness and generosity, shall I say, but it also got me thinking about the importance of hugs to our lives and overall well-being. As the author and therapist Leo Buscaglia once said, “Everybody needs a hug. It changes your metabolism.”

I remember very well one of my first hugs with JoAnn. We weren’t married yet, heck we weren’t even dating yet. We had been corresponding for a few months though, and had agreed I would fly down from Vancouver to Denver for a visit so that we could get to know each other better.

JoAnn met me at DIA and we walked to the parking lot where she had parked her car. But before getting into the car I succumbed to an urge that was impossible to deny, and took her in my arms. It was a hug that went on and on and on, and I must say — speaking for myself — that it made me feel my visit was off to a very auspicious beginning indeed.

There is much more to hugs than “romance,” of course. A hug can fill a void in a way that nothing else can.

One of the most precious hugs of my life came in the extraordinarily tender and indescribable moment that followed the physical passing of my first wife, Joy.

Joy had suffered a stroke on an airplane as we were returning to Vancouver from a holiday in the Caribbean, and was rushed to hospital in a coma. The doctor said there was nothing they could do, and it was simply a matter of waiting for the end. Joy was moved to a private room — where for two or three hours I kept a lonely vigil as her life slowly ebbed away.

The fateful moment arrived. Joy breathed her last breath. The wonderful Australian nurse turned to me and said, “God’s got her.” Then, opening her arms wide — she gave me a hug of pure compassion and love.

I’d like to end this post with an excerpt from an article entitled ‘Importance of Hugs in a Marriage,’ at www.theprofessorshouse.com.

“When the man of the house — the breadwinner — gets downsized by his company, he comes home, looks at his wife and says, ‘I could use a hug right now.’ Or when the wife commits a serious flop during her piano recital and breaks down crying, the husband instinctively puts his arms around her, holds her close and says, everything’s okay. It’s only a piano recital. Your playing was brilliant.

“In his article, ‘Have you hugged anyone lately?’ Parveen Chopra quotes family therapist Virginia Satir: ‘We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.’”

What’s YOUR most memorable hug? is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age

JoAnn and I have a little ritual in the mornings.

A year or so ago, we started sleeping in separate rooms, regretfully, because as we get older, we’ve found that sleep has become more and more important. We wake at 5 in the morning. At least, I wake at 5, tap on JoAnn’s door and let her know the time. So then she follows me into the master bedroom, which has a delightful king-size bed with an ultra comfortable top, and there we cuddle for a very pleasant hour.

I don’t wear anything, she wears a Hawaiian nightie I bought her one time – so it’s possible I enjoy the cuddle a bit more than she does, though that’s probably not true.When the alarm goes off at 6, we move into the next phase of things. JoAnn makes tea, brings in the newspapers, and we start waking up with the Denver Post and our great little local paper, the Loveland Reporter-Herald.

This morning, JoAnn passed me a page from the Post with a great picture of Michelle Obama hugging students at a Latin American Montessori charter school in Washington, DC. You see Michelle holding the young girl tight in her strong arms. You see the utter happiness and joy on the face of the child.

Says JoAnn: “It’s because Michelle is so real and authentic that she has the impact she does on the kids. They sense that. Look at the girl’s face, she’s in heaven.”

Isn’t it true? If we have a persona, so to speak, held up in front of us, a phony smile or demeanor of some kind, children sense that immediately. And by the same token, they know when what we bring is authentic, is the real deal.

It’s one of the oldest instructions recorded in our scriptures, isn’t it? Love your neighbor as yourself. I am so thankful that over the 11 years JoAnn and I have been married — an unlikely combination, you have to admit, a lean, slightly eccentric Brit who loves poetry and birds and a practical soul from Topeka who loves quilting and worked for Shell Oil for many years – we have both been concerned to practice that ancient, wise admonition, to the best of our ability.

Maybe that’s why we enjoy our early morning cuddles so much.

The magic of a hug is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age