It was Sunday evening, February 5, 2005. I had just started to watch the evening news with my wife JoAnn, and everything was as normal as could be.

Life was fine, as far as I was aware. I was quite happy, or at least I thought I was. Suddenly I started to feel a vague discomfort in my chest. It didn’t feel life threatening, but I felt a strange dread.

“Would you like to lie down and I’ll hold you?” said JoAnn. I remember climbing up the stairs, and lying down on our bed. I remember JoAnn’s hands on my head. But very quickly I entered a space I had never been in before.

It was like a night in hell

I was only half conscious as I began shaking uncontrollably, tossing and turning, and sometimes feeling very cold and sometimes very hot.

We wondered whether to call 911, but instead called a friend who stayed with us on the phone the whole time. The only way to describe the two hours that followed is that it was like a night in hell.

Was I reliving past experiences?

I believe I was actually reliving earlier experiences, such as when I was a 7-year-old child in London during the early days of the blitz. Dad was away in the war, and Mom and I lived on the fifth floor of an apartment block when German bombs fell all around us and the entire building swayed back and forth like a brnach in the wind as fires flared all around us.

Was the fear of that long-ago night with me still? Perhaps it had hidden itself in me — perhaps in my very flesh — for so many years and now it wanted to be free?

I believe that other painful events and memories also broke surface, so to speak, as I writhed in anguish in my wife’s arms.

A dam broke in me that night

It was like a dam broke in me at last. There was a lot to grieve, and come to terms with, for sure. For example, in 1988, my spiritual leader and mentor had died suddenly. And three years after his death my first wife, Joy, also died suddenly of a stroke.

Then there was the painful, devastating collapse of the spiritual community in British Columbia that had been my home for 36 years — and the fear I felt when at age 63 I had no choice but to return to the world I had forsaken in my youth.

My ordeal was really just beginning

At last my “night in hell” came to an end. I stopped shaking and shivering, and told JoAnn I’d like to try to sleep. When I woke up next morning everything seemed normal. But it wasn’t. Oh no, it wasn’t at all.

For about nine months I spiraled day by day into deep depression and despair. I’m a lean, tall English fellow weighing about 150 lbs — but at the lowest point of my depression I was down to 128 lbs in the doctor’s office.

Then a door opened in heaven

But then a door opened in heaven.  Perhaps it wasn’t really a “depression”  so much as a spiritual crisis. Perhaps my heart opened in a way it had never opened before. In any case as I think I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I  became aware of the most beautiful stillness and peace.

I realized that my past frailties and mistakes simply didn’t matter — because who I truly am and who you truly are is eternal love, and it is already whole and already free.

I believe that God — the truth at the core of our existence — wanted to do some major healing in me and decided the right time for that healing had come. It was time to balance the books, so to speak, so that I could move forward with new vigor and clarity and the door of true freedom could open wide before me.

Laughing more — one of the joys of aging

One of the offshoots of this healing – and surely one of the special joys of aging – is that I’ve learned to laugh more.

It’s kind of sad, but I don’t think I used to laugh much when I was young. I was so eager to know the truth, so serious about it. And when I entered the community in some ways I was in a kind of cocoon. Laughter? I hardly knew what it was.

But that has changed now. I find I love laughing. I really do. I wish Dad was here in the flesh (he is with me in spirit) because I would laugh twice as much at his jokes. Perhaps you can even hear me launghing if, as they say, we can’t blink an eye without affecting the entire world.

I’m laughing because I’m happy. And I’m happy not because things have changed so much in an external sense — I haven’t bought a wonderful new car, for example, though I would like to do that one day and in fact went to an auto show in Denver last week — but because laughter seems natural all of a sudden. God loves to laugh, I guess.

“Every day is a bonus”

“Every day is a bonus,” my dad used to say, as he neared the end of his life, as cheerful and full of jokes as he ever was. He died at 95, within a stone’s throw of his favorite pub in the little Sussex village of Pevensey Bay.

It’s a good attitude to take toward life, don’t you think? Be thankful for each day just as it is. And above all — don’t let despair hide the beautiful timeless truth at the core of your own being.

It’s the one thing that never ages — your own unconquerable spirit.

The second anniversary of this blog

As I near the second anniversary of this blog next month — in which I plan to launch my new course on the true potential and promise of aging — this is my simple message to you: We live in a loving universe. You are a Child of Light. You are a spiritual being, pure, timeless, and already whole. You are an ‘eternal soul’, as someone wrote to me so beautifully the other day.

I’d love to hear from you. How is your life going in these dangerous, troubled times? Though I’ve probably never met you in person, I am with you. Blessings to you — and please watch out for my course on happy aging coming soon.

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How God opened a door in heaven is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age

I was alone, eating supper on a cold winter’s evening 300 miles north of Vancouver, British Columbia. It was cold and cheerless outside, and it was cold and cheerless inside — in my heart, and in my home.

My wife, Joy, to whom I had been married 25 years, had died suddenly a month or two earlier. And the spiritual community that had been my home for 36 years was collapsing before my eyes.

One moment I was conscious. Food was being conveyed in a rhythmic manner into my mouth and everything was more or less normal. The next moment — without even realizing it, of course — I simply lost consciousness.

Of course, losing consciousness itself wasn’t frightening in the least. It just happened. What was frightening though, or disturbing, at least, was regaining consciousness 45 minutes later and wondering what on earth had happened to me.

Taken to the hospital

To be on the safe side, I got myself to hospital to be examined — first our local hospital in the tiny B.C. village of 100 Mile House, and then a larger hospital in a town called Kamloops.

I was in the hospital for three days while tests of every conceivable variety were carried out. It was an anxious time, without question. Was something terrible going on I didn’t know about? A stroke? A brain tumor, perhaps? A cancer?

My imagination was trying to be helpful. But the trouble with being a writer and having a good imagination is that sometimes it can get a bit carried away and work against you.

In any case, I had no visitors — and no idea at all what I was facing. Drawing on the English capacity to endure, I simply endured. I simply waited to receive further news concerning what happened to me.

On the third day, an inner voice

On the third day in the Kamloops hospital, around 10 in the morning, still waiting for news from the doctors, I suddenly had a sense that everything was going to be all right.

It was like I heard an inner voice. It was a subtle thing, to be sure. Easily dismissed. Like a beautiful bird passing by. But I’m quite good at subtle — sometimes anyway — and I heard this subtle message in my heart.

I was still thinking about it when a few hours later, in the afternoon, a doctor finally came to see me.

“We’ve checked out everything and it all seems to be normal,” he said, with a reassuring smile. Then he added:

“Every dog is allowed one bite — we’re going to let you go.”

Are we really alone?

I’ve thought sometimes about that lonely moment in the hospital in Kamloops — and other times too — when the voice of the Angel, if I could put it that way, spoke to me in my heart and blessed me.

One thing I’m sure about is this. We are not alone in this world, or in this universe. We are part of a living, loving whole that is more beautiful than anything we will ever understand mentally — and there is a hand of grace upon each one of us.

I send you love and blessings. And if you have any thoughts or experiences in this area we sometimes call intuition, I’d love to hear from you.

PS If you enjoyed this article please subscribe to my blog and enjoy my free e-book, The Wisdom of Serenity, written especially for these troubled times to help you reconnect with the happiness and peace of your own being.

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Are we really alone? is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age

“If your everyday practice is to open to all your emotions, to all the people you meet, to all the situations you encounter, without closing down, trusting that you can do that — then that will take you as far as you can go. And then you will understand all the teachings that anyone has ever taught.” — Pema Chodron

The other day — it was Valentine’s Day — I felt an urge to say something to JoAnn, my wife. I hunted her down — not too difficult in our small town house — and locked my loving gaze on her and said: “You look as young as the day I first met you.”

She didn’t blink an eye.” It’s because I’m happy,” she said, and as she said it, this miracle that we call a smile appeared on her face like a beam of sunshine suddenly illuminating the petals of a flower.

Where do peace and happiness come from?

Where does it come from, this elusive, transcendent experience that, for want of a better word, we call happiness? Come to that, where does a smile come from?

And while I’m at it, where does inner peace come from? Where does the stillness, so magical, so alive, that I am feeling in this moment, for example — where does that come from?

There are some things I will never understand with my mind.  I think once in awhile it’s good for the soul to take a moment and acknowledge this.

Happiness loves an open heart

But the beautiful thing is that we don’t need to know what happiness is, or what peace is, or what truth is, to be able to experience it.

I do know that happiness loves an open heart.  It loves a heart that is strong, but also soft, and resilient. A heart and mind that, above all, yearns to be free, and meet the truth of its own existence.

While I have no idea what happiness is, or where it comes from, there’s something else I know. Whatever happiness is — true, lasting happiness that is not dependent upon external circumstances – it longs to find greater expression through us.

It’s looking for us in every moment, and it is with us in every moment and in every situation.

Happiness waits for us in unexpected places

Sometimes — this was true for me – being broken open like a walnut cracked open by a nutcracker allows the happiness and joy that is our true nature  to renew itself in us and flood through us with increasing joy and spontaneity.

This process of being broken open can hurt like hell, of course, while it is going on. But I agree with this quote from a beautiful little book called “Finding Inner Courage,” by Mark Nepo, a poet, author and cancer survivor.

Here’s the quote: “When pushed below our frightened sense of self, we do not die. We live.”

Trust the power of love

So when I caught myself grieving the other day for someone I love who is going through a difficult time, I stopped and thought: “It is right that I grieve.  But difficult though his situation may be, as he stays open to life and trusts the power of love it will surely unlock within him a timeless happiness and peace greater than he has ever known before.”

Any thoughts about any of this? I’d love to hear from you. Look for my exciting online course on the true potential of aging this April or May, “How to look (and feel) 10 years younger in four weeks.”

Love and blessings.

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Happiness loves an open heart is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age

Everybody wants to find more fulfillment and happiness in life.  As we move forward in this New Year I’d like to share with you 100 lessons that I have learned in my life (and continue to learn) in hopes they will help you find increased happiness and peace in 2011.

This post is part of the Life Lessons Series featured on blogger Abubakar Jamil’s Self Improvement Blog.

 1.  Pick up a stone and admire it for a few moments.

 2.  After you put the stone down look at your hand and admire that.  Have you ever seen a more beautiful creation?

 3.  Put a hand on your belly and breathe with only your belly moving.

 4.  My dad, who was in great shape until he died at 95, used to make a point of thinking of something pleasant before he went to sleep. Try it, see if it works for you.

 5.  Read the 23rd Psalm.

 6.  Read a verse or two from Gitanjali, by Rabindranath Tagore.

 7.  Does life seem transitory to you sometimes?  Consider the possibility that at the core of your being you are immortal and unchanging.

 8.  Look at a photo of your Mom and honor her.

 9.  Don’t look to the world for a sense of importance — look within, to your own being.

 10.  Look up at the sky.

 11.  Consider the timeless words: “My yoke is easy, my burden is light.”

 12.  Be still.

 13.  Be still some more.

 14.  Listen to your own inner voice and trust it.

 15.  Say “thank you” and really mean it.

 16.  Consider the possibility that you don’t have to look for happiness because who you truly are is already happy.

 17.  Do the thing your mind says it doesn’t want to do.

 18.  Trust life.

 19.  Don’t let thoughts dictate your life.

 20.  You don’t have to see thoughts as an enemy — just realize that while thoughts come and go, who you truly are at the core of your being does not come and go.

 21.  Listen to the sweet sound of running water.

 22. Be of equal grace to all you meet.

23.  Thank your spouse or friend for the many gifts they bring to your life.

24.  Know in your heart that life is good and if you play your part and trust life and trust yourself life will unfold as it should.

 25.  Find some ducks somewhere and take a few minutes to admire them.

 26.  It’s never too late to change your mind.

 27. It’s never too late to make an extraordinary discovery — at the core of your being you are already happy.

 28.  Don’t keep your happiness to yourself.  Spread it around.

 29.  Don’t know what to do?  Be still, and listen.  There’s always the right thing to do in any situation.

 30.  Don’t close up when strong feelings come.  I tried it for a long long time, and it doesn’t work.  Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling, no matter how painful it may be.  You will make an amazing discovery.  What seemed like sadness, or grief, or fear will change into something altogether different.

 31.  Discover life’s paradox.  Be open to change, soft and yielding as water, but remember you are also strong and nothing worthwhile happens without persistence.

 32.  2011 is a perfect year to get in shape.  Consider going to a gym, if you’ve never been to one before.  You may find it’s a lifesaver.  It’s helped me in many ways.

 33.  Spend more time with Nature.

 34.  Admire the spaciousness of the sky and remind yourself that the spaciousness you see has its origin in you.

 35.  The sky is simply reflects back to you an aspect of your own being, just as a mountain, or a flower, or another person reflect back to you the oneness of all creation.

 36.  Never pass up an opportunity to pat another person’s dog — or of course, your own dog.

37.  If someone has helped you, or done their best to help you, make sure they know how much you appreciate the helpful person that they are.

 38.  If despair is upon you, there is something you should know.  I’ve experienced a lot of tribulation — some of it conscious, some of it unconscious – and I’ve learned that on the other side of despair is joy.

 39.  It’s the joy of our own being, untouched and unchanged by any of the adversities of our life.

40.  We come into this world with a unique gift to give.  We can think of this in external terms, and that’s very appropriate.  But the greatest gift you have to give in 2011 is yourself, your own genuine, timeless presence.

41.  Be thankful for the gift of hearing.  Just listening to some passing geese, or the laughter of a child is more than enough happiness for one day.

42.  Don’t only listen to external sounds.  Listen also to the wisdom of your own spirit speaking to you in the quietness of your heart.

43.  Take courage.  Let 2011 be a year in which a precious goal or dream of yours comes true.

44.  Take patience.  Patience is one of the greatest gifts of the universe.  As long as you are doing the right thing in this moment, offering the very best you can into this moment, why be too concerned about the future?  It will take care of itself, as all the prophets have said.

45.  Take pleasure in little things.

46.  Take pleasure in the chickadee, for instance, and her unique cry as she goes about her business.

47.  Take pleasure in the sight of an old man enjoying his grandchildren.

48.  Take pleasure in thinking about the gift that your own physical body has been to you in your life.

49.  Even if your body is having troubles at the moment, acknowledge, and be thankful for the extraordinary faithfulness it has shown to you all these years.

50.  Don’t be afraid if you lose something precious. There is one thing you can never lose — your own timeless, boundless being.

51.  Sing a new song next time you see your wife, or husband, or friend.  I’m not suggesting that you necessarily sing in a physical sense.  But don’t be afraid to let a part of yourself come out to play that may never have come out to play in your life before.

52.  Sing a new song next time you vacuum the house.

53.  Sing a new song next time you go to the coffee shop, or to the supermarket, or to a football game.  Just because we have done something before doesn’t mean we have to experience it in exactly the same way the next time, does it?

54.  Life is a victorious experience when we live it properly.  I truly believe this.

55.  There are riches and wonders waiting to be revealed in your life that I bet you have never even dreamed of yet.

56.  Persistence is an aspect of our own divine nature. There is always more persistence available to you in life.

57.  Mind you, it’s worth remembering that life has a magical, spontaneous quality to it, so that we don’t get so hung up on finishing something that we lose any pleasure or enjoyment in what we’re doing.

58. As Khalil Gibran aptly said, Who bakes without love bakes a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s hunger.

59.  When in doubt, smile.

60.  I find doing a little abdominal breathing is a wonderful way to reduce stress and get more grounded.

61.  It’s good to be whole. But let us not forget that wholeness already exists.  All we really have to do is let the wholeness of our own being express more fully through us — in 2011 or any other year.

62.  You may already do some Chi Gung, but if not, look into it.  It’s a great way to keep in shape at every level, especially as we age.

63.  A wonderful resource on Chi Gung is a book called, “The Way of Energy,” by Master Lam Kam Chuen.

64.  Be kind to yourself.

65.  Some words I like to say to myself once in a while: “Everything is going to be all right.”

66.  Reminds me of some words from an old Caribbean song: “Every little thing’s going to be all right.”

67.  Don’t forget the sea, and the wonderful healing energy of the sea.  My wife JoAnn and I live in Denver.  I know I need to see the sea again.  It’s a big priority for me in 2011.

68.  Just listening to the roar of the sea, the steady background noise that it makes, is uplifting for anybody.

69.  The roar of the sea is primeval, like the roar of a lion.  May we never lose either one.

70.  Stop and listen to the sound that the universe makes in your ear.

71.  Stop and note the magnificence of the universe as it displays itself in a fine painting, or in a mountain, or in a brightly colored butterfly.

72.  Be true to yourself.  Honor yourself.  Above all, listen to the voice of your own being in the quietness of your heart.

73.  Feel the skin of your own hand.  Isn’t it a miracle?

74.  Pick a blade of grass this summer and stick it between your teeth like you did when you were young.

75.  My favorite picture hangs above my computer.  It shows a young fox at rest on a mound of earth with a piece of grass in his teeth, eyes shut and face aglow with bliss.

76.  Bliss is our true nature. Don’t let go of your bliss, follow it wherever it takes you.

77.  Don’t be too quick to form an opinion of someone – it takes time to really get to know another person.

78.  I don’t know if this post will work or not.  It’s a bit experimental.  If it does work, or even if it doesn’t, would you write and let me know?

79.  Who are you, really?  Suppose you are an aspect of Eternal Love finding expression through human form?  Our forms come and go — but the love that you truly are has neither beginning nor end.

80. “Love never fails.”  Were more beautiful words ever written?

81.  Where are the limits of love?  Does love have any limits?

82.  Love is not bound by time.  I just thought of my mother, long gone, and felt a closeness with her that is as strong now as it ever was.

83.  If love transcends time, perhaps it also transcends space? 

84. If the truth of your being is love, and you get on a plane and go somewhere, do you really go somewhere?

85.  Perhaps, when we think we travel, or moving from one town to another, we jump to a conclusion.

86.  Perhaps the truth of who you are has not moved at all?

87.  Perhaps here is a secret of true peace in life.

88.  Got to say a word in support of ravens.  I love ravens, love hearing them call.  I’m so glad that this townhome complex where we live has a resident flock of ravens I can listen to and watch and love.

89.  Don’t only look for joy in big things like a relationship, or a trip to Hawaii, or Bali.  Look for joy in little things like going for a walk, drinking a cup of tea, or chatting with a friend.

90.  Joy is a gift from the universe.  It’s part of our divine nature.

91.  Let the joy that is already inside you be given expression freely through you in these coming months, to bless your own life and the lives of others.

92.  Joy is our true name.  It was our name before we came into this world, and it will still be our name when we say goodbye to our earthly body that has been our home and friend in this life.

93. It’s never too late to open your heart to joy. It’s simple mathematics.  The more joy and love you express, the more joy and love you know.

94. Same thing with freedom.  The more we open our mind and our heart to the true freedom that already exists within our own being regardless of circumstance the more we experience the truth of freedom in our lives.

95.  Joy and freedom.  Freedom and joy.  Such beautiful words, aren’t they?

96. I’m writing this post in a little study in a sweet little townhome complex in Denver, Colorado.  Wherever you are, and wherever you live, I want to say “hi,” and reach out a hand of friendship and blessing to you.  I wish you a truly happy, fulfilling and creative new year.

97. We are not as separate from one another as we may have thought. 

98.  You are part of a beautiful, harmonious whole.

99.  You are loved by this Whole.

100.  May you be strengthened and sustained by love as you move into whatever 2011 holds in store for you.

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100 steps to grace for 2011 is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age

 ”All of man’s difficulties are caused by his inability to sit quietly in a room.” — Blaise Pascal

I want to tell you a true story that happened yesterday.

I like to do the right thing on Sunday and make breakfast for JoAnn and me. Mind you, I only really have one culinary skill — but it’s a good one, handed down through many generations of British ancestors.

I’m very good at boiling eggs. So as usual yesterday, JoAnn and I each had a  boiled egg and toast — the eggs boiled, though I say so myself, to perfection.

Nothing unusual so far, right? We ate our breakfast, and I put everything away properly because there’s no point in only doing half a job, is there?

A nice walk planned

I had planned to go for a nice walk after breakfast, but after finishing up in the kitchen a strong compulsion arose in me just to sit down in my favorite chair and be still.

I try to follow my inner “nudges,” so I put the walk on one side and sat down obediently in my chair. Immediately, a thought came up, “You could read the newspaper.” But reading the paper didn’t feel right.

With no previous intention on my part I disappeared, as it were, into a “thought free zone.” For about an hour, I simply sat in my chair, utterly surrendered to an experience of happiness and joy that in one sense felt very new and in another sense very familiar.

Like being bathed in a fountain of bliss

It was like being bathed by love, while sitting in a fountain of bliss. Once in awhile a thought came up, but I just wasn’t interested. The joy and peace that I was experiencing was so beautiful, complete, and compelling.

We tend to be afraid of stillness. Being busy is what keeps us sane, after all, or so we think.

But here’s a suggestion for this holiday season. Give yourself permission to sit quietly in a chair for a moment — and see what happens.

When JoAnn’s life changed on a dime

One evening about 15 years ago, my wife, JoAnn, a few years retired from Shell, was sitting quietly in a chair in a small town home in Denver.

It wasn’t a happy moment, particularly. She was wondering to herself things like, “Is this all I’m supposed be doing with my life? Is this it?”

Suddenly she had a momentary sense that someone was sitting in the empty chair across the room — and almost immediately, the phone started ringing. It was me, in Vancouver, also feeling a bit stuck, wondering what my next move in life was supposed to be.

I had never met JoAnn, but I knew of her. I had decided to come down to Colorado to spend a few days at the headquarters of a spiritual group we had both belonged to for many years, and I thought, “Why don’t I call JoAnn? May be we could have a coffee together?”

That’s how we got together. We were married a year or so later.

Is love on the move?

Is love on the move in this world? I think it is.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if back of all the excitement and apprehension of our lives and of the holiday season is one simple agenda — one simple truth — the determination of eternal love to reclaim “human nature” for itself?

No more separation. No more suffering. No more fear.

But we have to take responsibility of course — because we are that eternal love.

Let’s give ourselves permission to be still for a moment this holiday season and see what happens. Perhaps the masterpiece of your own eternal Self will reveal itself to you in an apparently inconsequential moment — perhaps you will see it shining in the face of a loved one, or in a stranger…

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Give yourself permission to sit quietly — and see what happens is a post from: The Happy Seeker - Living with grace at any age