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It’s never too late to love your Dad

I’m not quite sure when it all started, but sometime during the past year I began to experience a dramatic change in my attitude toward my father, who died in December of 1999 at the age of 95.

I felt alien and distant from my Dad while he was alive--I didn’t understand him, and he didn’t understand me.

But now, as if by magic, I see Dad in a totally new light. It is as if I have forgiven him for the past and he has forgiven me.

I see him as the ageless and charming being he truly is, indomitable, brave and kind. More important, I see him as an ally and friend, who free of the constraints of time, can love me fully and freely now with the unconditional love that for whatever reason, eluded us when he was alive.

I feel Dad cheering me on as I move forward in my own life journey--my 85th birthday is not too far off—and enfolding me with his love, enthusiasm, and courage.

Above all, I feel him wanting to assure me and anyone else who may be on my ‘wave-length’ that we are not the transient creatures we sometimes think we are--bounded by birth at one end and death at the other.

Yes, our bodies are mortal. They age, and die, just as all forms do. But our spirit does not age, and it does not die. We are immortal, proud and free, and we always have been.

As Julia Assante, PhD, mystic, scholar, and author of a beautiful book entitled ‘The Last Frontier,’ likes to say: “Death is not what separates us from the departed. Fear is.”

I do realize this post touches into a difficult, sensitive area. But if you have any thoughts you’d like to share on the above, please do write. I would love to hear from you.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Maureen Moeller February 7, 2017 at 6:01 pm

Christopher, what a beautiful, hopeful tribute to the forever connection to our parents. My father celebrated his 88th last Sat. Our family is blessed with a dad who did everything he could to make all 10 of our lives better. He continues to use his skilled hands fixing up old homes, and with twinkle in his eye just started yet another home project. Who am I to say “Slow down a bit; enjoy life”? He is, his way!

As you always say, Christopher, we must see ourselves and our loved ones as the ageless, indomitable spirit that we are. Thank you again for your moving story of a father and son’s love. He must be so proud of you and the way you touch so many of us with your words. Peace, love and joy to you as your 85th Birthday draws near.

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Christopher Foster February 8, 2017 at 2:57 pm

Thank you for your interesting and touching thoughts and comments Maureen. I especially loved hearing about your father. You paint such a vivid picture of him that I can almost seeing him putting on his tool belt and eyeing with clear-eyed delight the task ahead of him. Even so my own Dad, Reg, was busy into his 90’s chatting up friends and acquaintances in his local pub and keeping a close eye open for “tips” he could submit to the news desks of the London dailies.
Thank you for your kind words re my writing. We do our best, don’t we, Maureen. I think as long as we do our best each day no matter what comes to us or doesn’t come to us the light of God’s love will keep “twinkling” in our eyes and reminding us what is truly important in life. Love and blessings to you and thank you so much for your support.

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Ken harris February 7, 2017 at 6:06 pm

Beautifully written dear Chris ! I was blessed to have what they call an after death communication with my own father some eight months past his physical death .i was fortunate to not only see him , converse with him and yes actually hug him in the space of the field we found ourselves in . Psychiatrists would call it vivid dreaming but to me it was as real as real can be ! It was his gift to me from from him beyond the veil which separates spirit and matter worlds . I will never forget the experience as it impacted me indelibly! ❤❤❤

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Christopher Foster February 8, 2017 at 3:23 pm

What a beautiful, beautiful comment, Ken. Thank you so much for sharing this precious and very touching story. I am uplifted by your words, and I am sure many others will be uplifted too. Your father did indeed give you a great gift, and I am so impressed and grateful that you are willing to share your story with others in this way. Blessings and love to you, and may the love and truth that is the true nature of each of us keep on growing and expanding within each of us.

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Angela Artemis February 7, 2017 at 6:40 pm

Dear Christopher,
What a wonderful post!
I’m sure your father is cheering you on with the unconditional love you speak of. We are never more than a hair’s breath away from those who’ve crossed over. The more we open up to that belief the easier it becomes to feel their presence.
I feel my father too and often catch myself thinking, “What would Dad do?” Invariably, an answer comes to me and I feel sure my father is guiding me.
Happy (almost) Birthday Christopher!
Best,
Angela
Angela Artemis recently posted..Why Intuition & Raising Your Vibration Matter Now More Than Ever

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 9:31 am

Thank you so much for your strong and encouraging words Angela. I just loved hearing about your Dad, and how his wisdom is helping you and giving you guidance in these challenging times.

It really is true, isn’t it. Our loved ones who have departed this realm are closer than we think, and they have a perspective and love to share with us that can be an immense blessing to us. Much love to you Angela and thank you for your friendship.

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David Banner February 7, 2017 at 7:17 pm

My friend: After my Dad died in 1992 at the age of 85, I had come to much compassion for him as he weakened and weakened over 20 years…from the tall, strong guy who used to whip me with a belt, to a fragile man who needed my love and support. What a blessing that was! After he passed, I felt his presence and his comment that he wanted me to be myself and not let his violence toward me stop me from my destiny. Precious!

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 10:44 am

Beautiful words, David. Very moving. Thank you so much for sharing. I can relate at a deep level. My mother and I were alone together during early days of the Blitz, before I was evacuated, frightening stuff, but just like you with your Dad, I feel her presence and her encouragement not bow to fear but to find peace and joy in the presence of the eternal and the love of the eternal. So grateful for your friendship David.

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SandiO February 7, 2017 at 7:38 pm

Another beautiful post that touches the heart.
Growing through my teen years and after, my ‘Dad-e-o’ (a term of endearment that came much later) and I would butt heads when together. He loved to debate with me, and of course we both dug our heels in and had to prove our point! But, the other side of my Dad-e-o, was a caring and devoted father. My fondest memories are of the times my Dad would take me and my four siblings ice-skating, archery shooting, on nature trails or our weekend trip to the library. He was there at my choir concerts, or my brother’s football games. Patiently, sitting at the dining room table helping with homework.

At the same time, my Dad-e-o was fulfilling his role as father and provider, he also had to deal with a wife that was not well, an illness none of us understood at the time. Through the years this grew to become a wedge between my Dad and us children. He became a angry person as he did not know how to balance their life anymore, and the children had grown and moved away…some a great distance. He wasn’t so much fun to be around anymore, and his debating became more of a means to put me down and it hurt.

Because I was raised in a strict Christian religion, I felt to ‘Honor Thy Mother and Thy Father’ was to continue to be there, even if it was hurtful. As Mother Theresa said, “Forgive them anyway.” When my parents had either financial or physical needs I continued to try to make those needs met. If I could not, they both became angry and set up a distance between us. I still continued to be there when he called.

When my Dad-e-o was passing away at the age of 88, all of his children came to his bedside. We were all trying to find a way to lovingly let go of a father that had been our source of strength and love when growing up, and not wanting to be left with any negative residue of the later years. It still brings tears now, some ten years later as I recall how my Dad-e-o spoke to each of us individually, and wrapped his arm around us asking for our forgiveness. His words of “I love you so much and thank you for all you have done for me and mom throughout the years.”, still seem so clear in my ears.

In those few hours of his last days, the air was lighter, the love between all of us seemed so easy and free just to be. To this day, I connect with my Dad-e-o and often ask his advice. I feel comforted by his presence much as I did when young. I know this father is the one I will greet one day on the other side. I am so grateful for this peaceful relationship with him.

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 11:22 am

Your words are beautiful and touching beyond words, Sandi. Thank you so much for sharing so intimately and deeply, reminding each of us of the joy, peace and forgiveness that is surely the truth of our existence.

I am so deeply touched by the image of your father reaching out his arms and speaking to each of you individually as you sat beside him, asking your forgiveness and expressing his gratitude to you. He surely will be there to greet you and wrap his arms around you again when that time comes. My love and blessings to you, Sandi, and again, thank you so much for sharing such treasured memories and realizations with us.

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Elizabeth Nunn February 7, 2017 at 7:52 pm

Interesting you would post this just as I am allowing him to come back into my life and heart, even though he passed in ’84. I wish the me who is now could know the him who was then.

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 11:53 am

Thank you for your comment, Elizabeth. I think it is interesting that you are opening your heart to your father at this particular time even though, as you say, he left this scene quite a while ago. It’s exactly the same for me. The change in me in how I see my Dad is a comparatively recent phenomenon.

Personally, I think truth, the truth of ourselves, the magnificent truth back of all things, is coming to the surface in these days and it is not going to be denied. What does the scripture say? “Behold, I make all things new.” Lots of love, and thank you so much for your support.

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Anna Factor February 7, 2017 at 8:01 pm

We are immortal proud and free and we always have been.

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 12:48 pm

Amen. Thank you Anna and all the very best.

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Diana February 7, 2017 at 8:52 pm

I had very much the same situation with my Mum that you had with your Dad. We never seemed to be able to connect and I always felt unloved by her whilst my Sister seemed to attract respect from Mum. It wasn’t until some years later when I had a family of my own that I found it in my heart to forgive her and let go of the hurt I had carried. I had the most rewarding conversation with Mum about three months before she died at age 93.

For the first time in our lives I felt we had made a true connection and I am so pleased that it happened when it did – I feel nothing but love for Mum for in fact she had had a difficult life herself and found it hard to show love. Thankyou for your post. Diana

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 12:58 pm

It’s a remarkable story, Diana. Thank you so much for sharing it. Your story sure does underline the essential part forgiveness can play in our lives, doesn’t it. How splendid that you were able to connect with your Mum in a such a genuine, rewarding way before she passed on. Again, thank you for sharing, and I send lots of love to you.

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Cols conradie February 8, 2017 at 2:20 am

I miss my Dad so much. Thank you for your lovely message Christopher.

Let us know when it’s your Birthday 🙂

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 1:08 pm

Thank YOU Cols. Okay, will do:-) Good to be sharing this journey with you. My love to you.

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Michel February 9, 2017 at 9:47 am

Dear Christopher,
We are indeed immortal being connected to our creator, in love with its creation. As we realize that our true identity is in a dimension where time has no interaction on our being, we let go of our fears and open our heart and consciousness to the present moment allowing us to connect with our creator , the place where anything is possible.

Thank you for bringing to our consciousness these amazing realizations so we may bless and love them.
One with You,
Michel

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Christopher Foster February 9, 2017 at 1:34 pm

Thank you for your lovely words Michel. I am so happy to be walking this path with you. We may be separated geographically, but surely in spirit we are one. God bless.

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Evan B. Griffith February 9, 2017 at 8:45 pm

Perfection, Christopher —

And what an exquisitely timed arrow . . . I’ve had a similar distant relationship with my Dad the entirety of my life — now he may be in his last months — thank you for this heart-changing message —

Evan
Evan B. Griffith recently posted..The spirit of modern bohemia

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Christopher Foster February 11, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Thank you for your comment Evan. It’s always a real pleasure to connect. Love and blessings to you and your Dad.

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Kate February 17, 2017 at 8:26 am

Love this blog! This is such a deep issue that I think many can relate to. So many of us are often fatherless or if we do have our fathers there may be an emotional distance that can cause a lifetime of pain. I have often wondered does my dad love me? There were times I was convinced this was a no. But now I know he does and it even makes me sad that I questioned it. Even though in some states I still do. But I’ve been working on it and kwarning and understanding. Although he might not show me live in the ways I want he does love me. I also had to take a good look at how life and what he’s been through and experienced. And you are right. From this I’ve realized what a beautiful amazing strong man he is. He doesn’t have to show it in the way the world says he does. I just had to understand. There is so
Much to life and we are all human. Love this! Thank you!

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