I’m sorry that I haven’t been posting as much recently as I once did. But I’m happy to say that I am feeling a new wind at my back, a new sense of purpose for my blog and for my life. Why should illness or age dictate whether we still live our life with purpose or not?
I changed my tagline today, as you may have noticed. It now reads: “Finding joy while facing cancer.”
I have a theory that almost everyone has been or will be touched by cancer in some way. Directly, or indirectly, this strange scourge will leave its mark, and is leaving its mark even as I write these words.
It’s as if this six-letter word that begins with “C” has become a metaphor for fear. A symbol of a larger fear that haunts and degrades our lives, depriving us of the joy that is rightly ours – UNLESS, that is, and UNTIL we face the fear that is ours to face.
My own life situation—I was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer two years ago-- requires that I have regular tests and scans to see how I’m doing. Is cancer recurring? Or am I holding my own, keeping this affliction at bay, so to speak, and more importantly, finding increased joy and peace and well-being in life?
I’m due for some more tests, including an annual CT-scan, a bit later this year. And I’ll be having a repeat colonoscopy next spring. I do feel anxiety at times when undertaking these tests – and at other times, also. Fear is always there, it seems, in the background, waiting for a chance to assert itself.
But here’s the miracle that is unfolding in my life. Here’s what I’m excited to share with you, as best I can, now and in coming days.
I find that when I get still, in the face of fear, and let myself actually feel this very uncomfortable feeling—it sucks, to be honest—and open my heart in surrender to life, I become aware instantly of a feeling that is very different from the feeling of fear.
I become aware of a feeling of absolute love and assurance, something that exists outside of time but yet is present within the confines of time.
Who knows what the future may hold. But as I think of my upcoming tests, and whatever other challenges may lie in wait in days to come, I continue to be strengthened and emboldened by this simple realization: fear is not the monster you or I may have thought it to be. All we have to do, when fear arises, is to be still, and feel the presence of eternal love—our own true presence, dare I say?--in which there is no fear.
There is never a moment when we are not in the presence of that which is eternal. If you would like to read more about my experiences and thoughts re cancer (and life) please check out my book, The Upside of Cancer, available in print and Kindle editions at Amazon. Simply put the title into the Amazon search bar.
I’d love to share any thoughts you may have on the above. My love and blessings to you.